How do you know when things are “really” beginning to change within you? It’s when you begin to become confused. When things are not quite the same. Are they different or are you different? Something used to make sense and now you’re just not sure.
It’s not good to always be certain.
Confusion is healthy at times. It’s a sign of the first step. As you begin to change, things aren’t quite as comfortable. They’re not as clear. We feel a little lost. (That’s ok. In fact, that’s good.)
When intimate conversations challenge us. When a paragraph makes us stop and think why does it “feel” so different. When a significant “life event” quickly changes our routines. When we don’t have the answers in front of us and don’t quite know why what we thought now feels wrong.
There is no certainty during the process of personal change.
We cannot fear confusion. It can be healthy. But for confusion to be helpful, we must continue to push to understand why we are confused. We must expose our confusion to others so they can help us understand where we are and what has changed. (We need the help of others to see ourselves more clearly because we aren’t very good at this by ourselves).
I don’t consider confusion in another person a sign of weakness when they are actively trying to understand. Confusion can only be a weakness when it traps us and we don’t try to fight our way through it. When we just give up. When we hold everything inside of us.
Confusion takes time to understand. We need to be patient with this process of discovery. Most times our learning comes more slowly than we would like.
As change continues in your life, you will “re-adjust”. There will come a point in time when things feel more comfortable & right even though our lives, routines, and habits may now be different. Our different choices have changed what we now experience yet we seem less confused.
With confidence, over time, confusion is replaced by uncertainty. There is strength in uncertainty with respect to our own thinking. Why? Because it slows us down enough to test our thinking. To test our assumptions before lunging towards an outcome.
Then suddenly, the process repeats itself.
Of this cycle, I am most certain.