Bits of Life Missed Worth Exploring

How Wanting to Control Deceives Us


Those that work with others, are constantly challenged in the tug of war that ensues in trying to get the work done. Maybe with a new twist or vision, process, or different plan.

The perfectionist, at one extreme, demonstrates through their constant oversight and corrections of others what their vision or expectation is. They believe, subconsciously, that their vision is not only right but that it should be created into the world accurately as they see it. They become scared that someone else will change what they deeply believe is the answer or future.

The worker, without supervision (at the other extreme), fumbles their way into a future that most likely will not resemble what was explained or intended. In many cases, there could very well be little traction towards progress. Good minded individuals who, without intention, frustrate us when things don’t go as we planned.

Controlling feels like the only way that a boss or initiator of an idea can see their vision come true. It feels less risky when we control. Being controlled, from a worker’s perspective, tasked with bringing that vision to life, feels more like a prison. Having each of their steps watched, critiqued and corrected. Leaving no room for their own self-expression.

Perfectionism and trying to control others are signs of poor management. But why do smart people fall into these traps often?

All of us are guilty of believing the stories we tell ourselves. We always believe we are right. There is little practice in our own toolbox for testing how right or wrong our thinking can be. It’s the stories that we create beforehand that lead to the vision that power our ideas that we want to put into action. And they may not always be right. Nor well thought out.

Remember, our thinking is more faulty and shallow than we believe most times.

Never understanding that the more powerful lever, when working with others, is to strive for alignment. Not control. Alignment only occurs through communication and active conversation. Enlisting people to buy in to the thinking behind the ideas or maybe having them help you see that they need to be modified, before any action is taken, is where the power of an idea gains its momentum.

The process of alignment is where the subtle assumptions, imperfect beliefs, and missing facts all get exposed for others to help us see. Where together our stories and visions get improved upon. It is the best protection against our own faulty thinking. (Common sense might say that better thinking up front will yield better results going forward.)

Giving everyone exposure to the same foundation as to why the result of the work that we want done is important to achieve. Even though the result may be slightly different than we first thought. But where the intent becomes singular within the hearts of many. Filling the work, to carry out the intent, with less frustration & wasted energy along the way.

Is it slower than seeking control? For sure. Alignment appears to be more magic than science once you see the work and results from those around you.

Making alignment present in everything you do will not only make your job easier but much more fulfilled as you continue to evolve in your life’s journey.

Bits of Life Missed Worth Exploring


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