We are all guilty of saying this in the past. About a co-worker. A friend. Family. A spouse or a significant other. A pattern of frustration sets in. We talk less to them and with them. If we can avoid them we do. There are times we become defiant. Our temper flares easily.
When we become defiant and withdraw, we are running to protect ourself. From the hurt, the disappointment, and our reality. The dream of who we are, becomes more distant, yet more believable and concrete in our own minds, where nothing is stable and where we believe that others are at fault for our problems.
It’s true. At times, others either don’t have the skills to help us or don’t understand the larger picture and are ineffective. Sometimes others don’t understand us which leads to different points of view that are irreconcilable. In these cases, permanent separation (they or us) is the only possible solution.
More often than not though, when I hear people who are frustrated with their lives, their jobs, their homes, I look to see if they ever question their behavior, actions, or thinking at all. Sadly, I rarely see any self-reflection. Never do I see any personal adjustment.
The anger and frustration of their hearts towards others, blinds them to the possibility that they may have contributed to the behavior of others. We are all of guilty of relating to those who we see or work with regularly out of habit and not out of an innocent presence, that each time we meet, demands of us.
As our frustration grows, the wheels of our lives dig deeper ruts in the muddy, dirt road we are traveling on. Trapping us deeper and deeper in a spiral that we cannot turn away from.
In trying to help a friend in need, we listen so that they can release the frustrations that have built up inside of them. Emotionally helpful but rarely does anything change though. It simply provides temporary relief from the pain that is deep inside and will return.
Pleading with our friend to listen, to the fact that they are at fault for much of this mess, goes unheard. Sadly, time passes, and our friend’s spirit becomes further trapped by not understanding that they need to change their thinking and their behavior for things around them to change.
We can only control ourselves in the end. Simple yet so elusive.
Practice this first, using our own mind and heart, as we wake up each day to the world around us. Small changes in our thinking will bring about new travels and new destinations. Things will get better when first changing what we can from within.
Only then can we begin the long journey to help others.