It’s a question we ask often. Of a friend, family member, a coworker, a child. We all know and feel comfortable with the stories given to us.
Mostly negative outcomes generate interest in asking this question. They center primarily on what others have done and what role they played in the outcome. For the person giving us their explanation, we normally hear only how that person was situationally involved.
The question that is never asked is one that should follow our first question of “what happened”. This question would be “what could you have done to make the outcome different”?
We are flawed. I have said this over and over. We make more mistakes then we are aware. Without review and adjustment, the same mistakes generally continue.
In looking at the question, our answers at first revolve around what the other person should have done. For our awareness is much better looking outward then inward.
It is only when we can answer this second question starting with the different possibilities that “I” could have done do we begin to make progress.
This approach is very difficult at first. But with practice it will become easier with more positive personal growth occurring over time.